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BIG Love Cancer Care

September 29, 2006 - 10 years ago today

Sep 29, 2006 – Journal Entry - 9:30 a.m.

I got on the hospital bed with you and scooped you up in my arms and held you tight. You looked like you did when you were a little baby. Everyone gathered around your bed. I stroked your hair. I traced the outline of your eyebrows, your nose and across your cheeks. Through unbridled tears, I shared my love with you.

“My Brookie girl. You are the best girl. Your love has filled my heart with great joy. It has been a privilege and honor to be your mom. You are my sunshine. You have shined great light into my heart everyday of your life. I love the way you talk to me and sing to me. I love the way you wrap your little arms around my neck. I love your kisses in the morning, and I love to hear you say, “I wanna love you up momma.” I love to watch you dance and sashay across the room. I love your silliness and humor.”

I closed my eyes for a brief moment and an unimaginable scene began to take place in my mind…

I could see an incredible, breath-taking path…a grassy path that was worn and had been walked upon many times before. Trees hovered over the path creating a tunnel through which only small amounts of sunlight could enter. The wind was blowing softly and beautiful flower petals of pink and red filled the air. In the distance, I could see a tall, dark man approaching. He looked tender, gentle and inviting.

I tried and tried to see the man’s face, but he never looked my direction. His eyes were set upon a young mermaid princess whose hand he was now holding.

As the Talking Man looked down at you, sweet Brooke…I beheld a love that was incomprehensible. It flowed from Him to you, and as you looked into his eyes, you were completely radiant. I could tell that “this Man” was familiar to you because as you looked at him, love filled your eyes and your smile.

As you and the Talking Man both continued together down the path, every few steps, you would look over your shoulder at me and smile. Soon, however, you began to skip and laugh and smile…and got farther and farther away. As you walked on, you looked picture perfect…white linen dress, big white bow and bouncy, brown curls.

I felt myself a little desperate to run after you, but I realized you were happy…that you didn’t want to come back…that for the first time in years, you were free. I let you go…with your Talking Man.  You were going home…and you knew it. Bye my sweet Brooke.

As I opened my eyes, so did you…one last time. You looked deep into my eyes…and I smiled the biggest smile I could and tried to give you the most reassurance possible. I saw love in your eyes, and I know you saw BIG Love in mine. You took two final gasps for air and then closed your eyes.

You are finally home Brookie...you are free.

We will miss you beyond words…but we know that one day, we will meet you and the Talking Man…at the Gate!

 


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