The BIG Love Blog

Three years ago…

Jessica — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 12:12:01 +0000

Three years ago yesterday…Brookie stepped into eternity.

Nanny is on her way to Brookie’s Place (the cemetery) to take flowers, and I am trying to hold back a flood of tears as I finish my second donut…

Last night, Chaney and I stayed up late talking about the events of this past weekend at our Hope of Heaven Conference. As I was standing in the lobby of the Marriott on Friday night, looking around at all the faces of people I love…people that over the past five years, I have laughed with, cried with, prayed with, and walked through the valley of death with…I felt such courage well up in my heart and such hope fill my future. At one point, several of us Moms, that have lost our children to cancer, were standing in the lobby…smiling, laughing, hugging. I never thought I would ever be able to truly laugh again. But here I was, my broken heart and all, not just faking a laugh or smile (because I have done that many times), but truly laughing…a rare happening. And as all of us moms know, we cherish these moments of true joy…moments where the pain and burdens of our hearts are lifted somewhat. Moments where joy, friends and laughter trump the reality of our pain and grief. Oh, for more times like these…

I looked around at all the B.I.G. Love staff and volunteers proudly wearing their sky blue Hope of Heaven shirts, warm smiles graced their faces as they helped and served and loved each family. I am so proud of them…our friends and family…willing to give their time, resources and energies to help ease the burdens of others. Yes, that is true servanthood. Expecting nothing in return, but the joy that comes from serving. The joy that comes from seeing families walk through the doors on Friday night beat-down, discouraged and down-cast…then leave on Saturday with their heads tilted up, their smiles returning, and their joy more noticeable than before. Many families, as soon as they entered the glass doors of the Marriott on Friday, fell into our arms and cried. And as we held them, we wept with them. We looked at pictures together of all our kids that are in heaven. We shared stories about them, laughed over funny things they did and said, and stood in awe over their faith, strength and courage. I absolutely loved talking about Brooke this weekend. It brought her so much closer. And I absolutely loved hearing stories about Charles and Lindsey and Haleigh and Chelsey and Tarah. It brought them closer too…and now their memories are written on my heart!

We shared many tears together… remembering our last moments with our children, recalling the pain of letting them go and talking of our persistent doubts, disappointments, and regrets. Although incredibly hard to talk about and re-live, when I rose, I was stronger…better. It is true, you know, to heal the grieving heart it helps to empty it out. I never really believed this until I experienced it firsthand.

Today, it is an absolutely breath-taking day in Arkansas. The temperature is hovering at 65…the sun is shining brightly. The breeze is fresh and cool. And all my flowers are blooming with as much luster as possible. Making me smile, bringing me joy…the work of my hands. The butterflies are having a party today in my backyard. I stood in the midst of them, looking up into the sky…always waiting and hoping for a sign from Brooke. Perhaps the five butterflies that swarmed around me fluttering and flying were her gift to me today. Chaney came home for lunch, and as we sat together on our back porch, enjoying the beauty of the day, we wept. We wept over the many e-mails sent our way…of lives touched, changed, healed from their experience at the Conference. We wept over the thousands of more families that over the years have never had anyone reach out to them in their grief. We wept over all the grieving families whose lives are spiraling down-ward, out-of-control into despair, anger, bitterness. We also wept as we envisioned Brooke greeting us in Heaven one day…with her special little side-smile, proudly showing us the way, proudly revealing to us the mysteries that heaven holds. And we wept as we answered our front door and standing before us were two gorgeous displays of flowers…with a card that read, “I love you up to the sky. Love – Cassie and Suzelle.”
With tears streaming down our faces, I looked at Chaney and said, “How can my heart be so full, yet ache all at the same time?”

As I drove back from Taylor’s school today, I remembered my days of living at Texas Children’s Hospital. Days of living in a 12×12 room, eating hospital food day and night, living out of suitcase, sleeping on an egg-crate on the hospital floor, reading blood reports, intensely praying and fasting for a miracle, crying in the shower, anxiously awaiting the doctors visits….but also, days of chasing Brooke on her bike, trying on wigs, playing in the play room, watching Brooke beat everyone at Operation Shrek, hearing the clip-clop-clip of Brooke’s high-heals in the hallway, strapping on her pistols and swords for a battle with nurses and interns, singing Mambo Italiano and watching her shake her booty, watching her defeat the monster-save the princess-slay the gator, watching Spiderman over and over again, laughing as she walked on her portable potty like a graceful ballerina on a balance beam, sleeping in her princess tent, singing her songs until she (and Nanny and Granny) fell asleep each night, and feeling her hands stroke my face and hair as she told me how much she loved me. I miss her. My heart is full of her memories. My heart is full of love from my friends and family. My heart remembers these days of simple contentment. Days where nothing else in life mattered except being close to the people you love. As Brooke said, in the Intensive Care Unit just days before she stepped into eternity, “Momma, all I want is you, Taylor and Daddy.”

Extended Deadline for Hope of Heaven Conference…

Jessica — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 16:36:03 +0000

You have until September 22nd to register for the Hope of Heaven Conference.

We have over 150 people registered so far…get all the details on the previous post.

Don Piper, Author of “90 Minutes in Heaven” - Friday Speaker

Musical Guests: Anita Kruse (pianist) and Jennifer Keenly (flutist) - “Purple Songs Can Fly”

Pastor Mike Mille - New Orleans, LA - Saturday Speaker

Musical Guests - Kent Phillips (pianist) and Jason Phelps (guitarist)

BreakoutRooms from 1-4 pm on Saturday

Room 1: Pastoral Support and Prayer

Room 2: Bereaved Parents Support and Paryer

Room 3: Cancer Support and Prayer

Room 4: Grief Support Services

We would love to have you join us!

$50 for two people to attend the entire conference (includes one room at the Sugar Land Marriott).

See you soon,

Jessica Phillips - B.I.G. Love Cancer Care

Hope of Heaven Conference - Deadline, September 10th

Jessica — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 15:41:27 +0000

We invite you to attend the Hope of Heaven Conference

September 25th - 26th - Sugarland Town Square Marriott
Deadline is September 10th.

Anyone is invited…..especially those who have suffered an illness or lost a child.

For childhood cancer families, families who have lost a child and TCH Oncology staff - the reduced price is $50 for two people for the entire conference. This includes Friday night meal, Speaker Don Piper, overnight stay at the Marriott, breakfast and Saturday speaker Mike Mille’. (Add additional people for $15 each. Add additional rooms for $50).

You can register online at www.biglovecancercare.org or email jessica at jessica@biglovecancercare.org

Mike Mille’ – Saturday Morning Speaker

Mike and Elaine Mille pastor White Dove Fellowship – International Outreach Center on the West Bank of New Orleans, LA. Pastor Mille’ received a B.A. from USL, a Masters Degree in Psychology, and a Doctorate in Religious Studies. His wife, Elaine, is also an ordained minister holding a Masters Degree in Education. White Dove Fellowship encompasses hundreds of churches around the world including Central America, Russia, and China. White Dove has also established many schools, orphanages and feeding stations around the world. Pastor Mille’ is a renowned speaker and teacher with a deep burden for the lost and hurting at home and abroad.

Don Piper - Friday Night Speaker

Don Piper is a dynamic speaker and the author of New York Times bestseller, 90 Minutes in Heaven - a True Story of Death and Life (Fleming Revell, 2004). For the past three years, he has traveled across the country and around the world sharing his message of hope and healing. In 1989, Don was on his way back from a church conference when an 18-wheeler struck his Ford Escort head on. He was killed instantly - pronounced dead by four sets of EMTs. Shortly after the accident, a pastor from the same conference arrived on the scene and began praying for “the man in the red car.” God worked a miracle and sent Don back to a broken body. To date, 34 surgical procedures have taken place. He walks only as a result of miraculous and in some cases medically unexplainable circumstances. During the time he was dead, Piper was granted the extreme privilege of glimpsing Heaven itself.

Also, TCH Purple Hearts Can Fly, singer and songwriter, Anita Kruse will be performing Friday night.

We hope to see you….

Chaney and Jessica Phillips

Don’t Miss The Hope of Heaven Conference - September 25-26, 2009

Jessica — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 17:42:34 +0000

Through our own loss, grief, hopelessness and religious disenchantment, my husband and I searched for a reason to hope again. Over the last few years, we have read numerous books and have sought wisdom and understanding from many different people. At this point in our journey, we have started to gradually accept our reality and grab a hold of hope a little more every day. However, it has been through our own personal suffering and intense quest for hope that we saw a very real need for families like us. A need for hope-filled answers and Biblical truth.

For this reason, B.I.G. Love Cancer Care is sponsoring our first Hope of Heaven Conference, September 25-26, 2009. We have invited Don Piper, the author of “90 Minutes in Heaven,” to speak with us on Friday night, and our spiritual mentor, Pastor Mike Mille, from New Orleans, to speak with us Saturday morning about Suffering, Faith and the love of God. Because this is our heart’s desire for other families like us, B.I.G. Love is providing both meals and both speakers at no cost to any family who has lost a child or any childhood cancer family. For these families, we are also offering Friday night accommodations at the Sugar Land Town Square Marriott at half price: $50 (per room). If you are unable to pay this reduced rate, please let us know. We want nothing to stand in the way of….the Hope of Heaven.

Who’s invited: Anyone, but especially those who have suffered an illness or lost a child.

When: September 25th and 26th, 2009

Where:

Sugar Land, TX -

Town Square

Marriott16090 City Walk -

Sugar Land, TX

The Conference Agenda is as follows:

Friday Night: Speaker - Don PiperAuthor of “90 Minutes in Heaven” and “Heaven is Real.”

“On the way home from a conference, Don Piper’s car was crushed by a semi that crossed into his lane. Medical personnel said he died immediately. While his body lay lifeless inside the ruins of his car, Piper experienced the glories of heaven, awed by it’s beauty and music. At The Hope of Heaven Conference, Don Piper will give us a glimpse into this very real dimension of God’s reality.”

Spanish Translation will be available.Dress: Sunday Attire

Check-in begins at 4:00 p.m. - Banquet Room opens at 6:00 p.m.Dinner served at 7:00 p.m.

Saturday Morning: Speaker - Pastor Mike Mille

New Orleans, LA - “Suffering, Faith and the Love of God.”

Mike and Elaine Mille pastor White Dove Fellowship –

International Outreach Center on the West Bank of

New Orleans, LA. White Dove Fellowship encompasses hundreds of churches around the world including Central America, Russia, and

China. White Dove has also established many schools, orphanages and feeding stations around the world. Pastor Mille is a renowned speaker and teacher with a deep burden for the lost and hurting at home and abroad.

Spanish Translation will be available.Dress: Casual

Breakfast served from 8:00 a.m. - 9:30 a.m. - Morning Session begins at 10:00 am

The Regular Conference price is: $15 each for Friday night and $100 per room.

Because we only have a limited number of rooms reserved, please reserve your place as soon as possible. Children over the age of 10 are invited to come.

The first 10 people to register will receive a FREE Hope of Heaven T-shirt!

Download our registration form on our website and mail to us with your payment or simply register and pay online. www.biglovecancercare.org

Please email me with any questions or concerns. We will help in any way possible. jessica@biglovecancercare.org

This is not a fund-raiser in any way. And we commit to you…to provide a safe, peaceful and relaxing environment for you and your family.

Also, if you know someone that would benefit from this conference, I encourage you to come with them…support them…stay by their side…let your presence provide for them a measure of safety. This will be one of the best gifts you can give to your friend or loved one…renewed hope and healing!

Much Love….Chaney and Jessica Phillips and Family

Lots going on….

Jessica — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:15:56 +0000

This year’s Fun Run was a Great Success! Thanks to all our teams, volunteers and participants that helped to make it happen. We appreciate all your hard work and involvement. Because of the success of this event, just last week, we decided to enlarge our services at Texas Children’s Hospital. We are now going to provide weekly groceries for ALL of the inpatient Leukemia and Lymphoma families….hurray. We are also going to provide all Leukemia/Lymphoma kids with a gift basket and seven day parking pass at initial diagnosis. And this weekend, our FIRST bone marrow transplant family is going to check into our BIG Love trailer. And what is even better than that…at the TCH cancer clinic, our toy chests are bringing happiness and smiles to hundreds of cancer kids each day. BIG Love is continuing to love and give and serve. It is such a joy and a privilege to do what we do. I cannot thank all of you enough for all the love and support you send our way. It means a lot to Chaney and I.

Next on the BIG Love calendar is Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. Each year, we take gift baskets to all the cancer mom’s and dad’s at TCH and ACH. If you would like to be involved this year, please email me at jessica@biglovecancercare.org

Items to include in gift bags:

Mother’s Day Gift Book light, house shoes, razors, shaving cream, body Lotion, shower Gel, bath scrubber, dental floss, tissues, pedicure or manicure set, lip balm or lip gloss, thank you cards or stationary set, pens, journal, crossword/games books, disposable camera, large soft towel or blanket, snacks(chips, pretzels, cookies, crackers, etc.), drinks(waters, tea or juice), coffee mug, flavored coffee, flavored creamer. Put all the Mother’s Day items in a sturdy tote bag. Deliver to designated locations listed on our webpage by May 5^th. Father’s Day Gift Razors, shaving cream, deodorant, shower gel, lip balm, dental floss, $10 in quarters (for vending machines, flashlight, crossword/games books, baseball cap, blanket, socks, snacks(chips, pretzels, peanuts, cookies, crackers, etc.), drinks(waters, tea or juice), insulated coffee mug, flavored coffee, flavored creamer. Put all items in a Duffel bag. Deliver to designated locations listed on our webpage by June 16^th.

Also, we have some very exciting plans in the works…you will not want to miss this!!! I will update as soon as the plans are confirmed….stay tuned. We love you all! Jessica, Chaney, Taylor….and Brookiegirl!

March 7th Fun Run and Carnival

Jessica — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 14:13:11 +0000

B.I.G. Love Cancer Care’s one and only Fundraiser is coming up!

Saturday, March 7^th at Bates Park in

Angleton, TX

700 Bates Park Road, about 45 minutes from downtown Houston

Fun Run, Carnival, Silent Auction and BBQ

9:30 am Little Kid’s Dash

9:40 am Kid’s Mile Run

10:00 am – All ages 5k

11:00 am – BBQ Lunch

If you are not participating in the Fun Runs, please come and enjoy the carnival, silent auction and good food! We will have over 20 games and many large inflatables.

You can register individually for the Fun Run or put together a Fun Run Team:

Courage Team - $10,000 Faith Team - $7,500 Believe Team - $5,000 Strength Team - $2,500 Hope Team - $1,000 Peace Team - $500 Love Team - $250 Brooke Phillips Memorial Team - $100

You can register online at: www.biglovecancercare.org

Because of the economic times we are in, we thought it would be easier for businesses and individuals to join together to make a TEAM. All TEAMS will be recognized at the Fun Run and receive a special surprise! Pick a TEAM level and call or email your friends/family/business or church to reach your TEAM goal. Your contribution will make a difference!

We just parked our new 35 foot BIG Love travel trailer at Advanced RV Resort this weekend on Beltway 8 and Hwy.288. The Resort is great and is surrounded by Tom Bass Regional Park which has several ponds and lakes. Also, by Summer 2009, the RV Resort will have a pool, lounge, computer room and exercise facility. Our first Bone Marrow Transplant family will be moving in by late February at no cost! How great…..

Also, Valentines Day is quick approaching. If you would like to make a Valentine’s basket for a cancer kid this year, let me know (jessica@biglovecancercare.org) . We need 36….one for every child on the cancer floor. Because the kids range in age from birth to 21 years old, we are doing generic baskets this year. Items to include: a blanket, stuffed animal, misc. Valentine items and candy, drinks, snacks and $25 gift card to Wal-Mart or Target(for the child). Thanks so much…..the kids LOVE this!!

We love you all….BIG!

Chaney, Jessica, Taylor and Brooke

Update on BIG Love

Jessica — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:58:02 +0000

Hey Friends…
I just wanted to give you a quick update on BIG Love and let you know about some of our upcoming projects…

In October, we delivered FIVE large toy boxes to TCH cancer clinic. Each month, we refill them with tons of toys! After any procedure, the kids get to take a trip to the toy chest. It has been a BIG hit. Brooke would have loved it!

We also just purchased a 35 foot travel trailer that we are going to park at a campsite close to the medical center Houston. Hopefully, by 2009, cancer kids and their families will be able to stay there during and after their cancer treatment. I am so excited about this. During Brooke’s transplant, we had to stay in an apartment in the medical center, and it was VERY expensive. The trailer is so nice…fully furnished and equipped…even with flat screen TV’s.

And, as of this past summer, we started providing weekly groceries, parking passes and care baskets to all the new AML patients (this was Brooke’s diagnosis) at TCH. We hope to extend our scope of service to include other patients as well. It has been an honor to serve these families…our hearts and prayers are with them!

Because of all these new projects, we are planning two fundraisers for 2009. One is our Fun Run and Carnival. It will be on March 7th in Angleton, TX at Bates Park. Besides the running and walking (which will begin at 930 am), we are going to have moon walks, face painting, pony rides, dunking booths, carnival games, a BBQ lunch, and a silent auction. It will be a day of fun for everyone. Please come out and help us support cancer kids and their families. Please see our website to register for the Walk and for other details. I will also try to keep you posted through the carepage and BLOG. We have many families that are putting together TEAMS…this is a GREAT idea!

And second, we are going to have a monthly pledge drive. Those who give monthly will receive our 2009 Cancer Kid Calendar. The calendars will be ready in January. You don’t want to miss it. Besides including pictures, we will also include the favorite scriptures/quotes and sayings of the kids. It is really neat! Email me if you are interested…or sign up through paypal on our website.

And I wanted to take this moment to thank our Last Year’s Monthly Contributors…you have helped to make it all happen…Thank you!
Beth Quintanilla, Robin and Joe Haidacher, Karla Supak, Robert and Jennifer Segovia, April and Darrell Madding, Monette Smith, Marty and Jill Gibson, Linley and Rodney Kowis, Ronald and June Madding, Rita Benton, Cross Life church, First Assembly Angleton, David and Cathy Christie, Charlotte Mayes, Natalie and JJ Molock, Butch and Sharon McReynolds, Scott and Mary Hargrave, Jim and Becca Collins, Chad and Alena Phillips and Kirk and Leesa Green.

Please know that BIG Love strives to GIVE every dollar and dime to help cancer kids and their families. We have NO paid staff, NO rent, NO utilities, etc. It is our desire to simply serve.

I hope your upcoming holiday season is a good one…

You are GREATLY appreciated!!!
Jessica and Family

Pumpkin Patch for BIG Love

Jessica — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 13:44:38 +0000

Hi friends,

I wanted to share with you an article that was published in a TX newspaper last weekend.

Pumpkin patch benefits Big Love

By John Lowman
The Facts

Published October 18, 2008

ANGLETON — Forget the number of pumpkins in Kathryn Christensen’s patch. She can barely count the varieties, but she counts them with love.“There’s the White Caspers and Blue Hubbards,” Christensen said, standing among the colorful crop beside Sunny Hearts coffee bar and shop off Mulberry Street in Angleton. “We have Peanut pumpkins and Blue Jarrahdale, Pokémon pumpkins, Cinderellas and One Too Manys …”

White Caspers and Blue Hubbards are named for their color, Peanuts for their crusty covering, Cinderellas since they resemble the fairy tale princess’s carriage, and One Too Manys …

“We wondered that, too,” said Jana Herbst, who helps Christensen at the shop — and now the pumpkin patch.

She dodged the question and pointed toward a gazebo.

“We also have corn,” she said. “Indian corn, strawberry corn and finger corn.”

And Big Love.

Proceeds from the patch benefit Big Love Cancer Care, an organization founded after Angleton resident Brooke Phillips succumbed to leukemia following a two-year battle. Big Love helps families of cancer victims with visits and hope, according to information at biglovecancercare.org.

Shop operators chose the charity to help benefit patients at Texas Children’s Hospital and other hospitals in which children with cancer are treated, Christensen said. Brooke’s parents now live in Arkansas but maintain the Web site and charity.BIG stands for, “Brooke’s Incredible Gift,” which is one that keeps on giving, The daughter of Chaney and Jessica Phillips, Brooke spent a lot of time at Texas Children’s Hospital and her parents identified some needs there, Jessica Phillips said.

But the greatest need anyone has, whether an ill child, parents, friends or family, is love.

“One of the things we learned most about Brooke is she loved us really big,” Jessica Phillips said. “She taught us a new way to love. It was deeper than any love we knew. I never knew how to love until I was loved by Brooke.”

Phillips remembers a hospital visit during which Brooke saw a sick infant.

“We were waiting and the baby was crying,” she said, her voice shaking. “Brooke grabbed my hands and put them together and said, ‘Mommy, pray for that baby.’ The way she could see past her own pain to the way others were hurting … It was very profound. When she passed away, the only thing we could do was look past our pain and help other kids and just love the families through the crisis.”

BIG Love gives all young patients the chance to visit a giant toy box after testing, gives gift baskets to children and families, does grocery shopping for families staying with ill children and attends to other needs.

“They do all kinds of things,” Sunny Hearts co-owner Ellen Eby said. “Their newest venture is a toy box, and any time a child has any testing done, they can go to the box and get a toy.”

The goal of BIG Love Cancer Care Services is to ease the burden cancer kids and families have to endure while providing chances for laughter, happiness and comfort, the charity’s Web site states.

At Sunny Hearts and the pumpkin patch smiles are easy to come by, said Christensen, who co-owns the shop with Eby and affectionately calls everyone who works in the place cast members.

“The response has been great,” Christensen said on the sunny afternoon. “We don’t get seasons here like in some places, so you really don’t know until people start putting things out. People are welcome to come by and not buy one. They’re welcome to sit with the pumpkins, let their kids play or take pictures. Buying is optional, but we encourage it since it helps others.”

When the large fruit arrived from Floydada, Texas, on an 18-wheeler, Christensen, Herbst and their families discovered charity can hurt a little as they unloaded dozens of them. Preparing the patch left Herbst tired, but pleased.

“I’ve arranged pumpkins, bathed pumpkins and learned more about pumpkins than I thought there was to know,” she said as Christensen produced a pair of pumpkin recipes folks can use after the lantern is gone from their Jack.

“There are a lot of unusual varieties, and it’s been a lot of fun so far,” Herbst said. “I thought a pumpkin was a pumpkin, but it’s not.”

—

Thanks to Sunny Hearts in Angleton and The Facts for helping us serve cancer kids and their families.

Jessica

Some tips…

Jessica — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:17:13 +0000

I opened up Carepages today and discovered that two more of our cancer friends have gone on…to see Jesus and Brooke. I can’t explain the pain this evokes inside my own heart…as I read how a Mom and Dad held their child and placed their hands on his heart until the final heartbeat was felt. Many have said that this moment is a glorious one…as you hold your loved one’s hand as they leave this life and step into eternity. Although I am so very glad I was able to be with my girl…and she wasn’t in the hands of a stranger or all alone…her last day, her last four hours, often bring me to my knees. Many nights, I lay in bed thinking of that day…thinking what I could have done different…wishing I could somehow change the outcome. To me, without a doubt, watching your child take their last breath…has to be the most excruciating experience that we as humans might ever have to face. I have thought about all the different kinds of sufferings in this world…and I would gladly take them all…at the same time…then to have to endure the loss and suffering of a child…a life that you love way more than your own. Someone described to me recently about a 4-wheeler accident their child was involved in and the emergency room visit that followed. As they described their day of trauma, fear and anxiety, I began to tear up. My friend, sensing my emotional downhill plunge, asked me what was wrong. I said, “that feeling is just very familiar to me…we experienced that intense fear and anxiety almost daily for two years.” The many, many times I stood or kneeled beside Brooke’s bed as she cried or hurt…and the intense desire in me to help her…but always found myself unable to do enough, unable to take the pain away, unable to rescue her or protect her. So helpless. I struggle with this…with all the suffering she experienced…all the pain. How I wish it was me and not her…a sweet, innocent, five year old, little girl. All these emotions flooded my heart this morning as I wept over our cancer friends that have left this life. Surely they are safe now…but my heart breaks and hurts so desperately for all the loved ones they left behind…for all the Mom’s and Dad’s and Sisters and Brothers.

Unfortunately, all of us who have lost a child, are now a part of group we never wished to join…and the only group in which we feel we belong. Chaney and I have earnestly tried to “get back into the swing of things,” but when we have, we have taken a chance on getting hurt…of opening up fresh and raw wounds. You step out a little and test the water and depending on your experience, you either venture a little deeper or crawl back into hiding. I always, however, find safety with those who have suffered as we have. It is healing to just be together…no words need be spoken…for we know the pains of each other’s hearts…the regrets, the agonizing thoughts, the fears, the depression, the anger, the loneliness and emptiness. There is really no need to talk…but if we do, it is safe. Chaney and I long for this at times…a safe place to rest…to be ourselves. I know it is hard at times for people on the outside to relate and help. I do know that the motives and intentions of their hearts are good, but their ability to understand the degree and extent of the pain is limited. Today, I tried to write down a few things that might be helpful:

1.Do not relate their pain and loss to other tragedies such as: someone getting a divorce, etc. Although this is certainly difficult, it is very different.

2. Just serve. Looking back, we do not remember much of what people said to us, but we do remember all the little acts of kindness such as: meals, house cleaning, keeping other siblings. We had a family that took

Taylor out for a special day. They bought all her school supplies and got her ready to start school.

3. Just be there. We had several ladies that just hung out at our house. They cleaned and they cooked for days. They welcomed all the company and keep things going. When we did decide to talk or cry, they were there.

4. Just listen. It is hard to find someone to just sit and listen. I think that is why counselors/psychologists are much more prevalent these days. It is sad to think that we have to pay to have someone just listen. You do not have to have answers…even if they ask (I always asked). There are no good answers…nothing that will justify the sacrifice of their child.

5. Try not to go on and on about your kids or your life. Although on a good day, they would probably be interested in your child’s soccer game, they cannot “hear” what you are saying. It sounds like “blahblahblahblah.”

6. Don’t apologize for not helping out during their tragedy because you are too busy. If you are too busy to help out…certainly, don’t tell them that.

7. Try not to over-use the… “They are in a better place…no more pain” phrase. Although, as parents we are so glad our kids are in a better place…we grieve because they are not with us, and now we have to try to live the rest of our lives with a giant hole in our hearts.

8. Don’t tell them to remember that they have other children to attend to and a spouse. They know that. But unfortunately, at the moment, it feels like both legs and both arms have been cut off, and at the moment, they are having trouble even breathing. You know, you can get-over a Cold or a scrape, but when your leg is chopped off, it is a little more difficult. That leg will not grow back. Even if you got a prosthetic limb, it will not take the place of the original. And as a phantom limb illustrates by aching and hurting for the rest of your life, so does your heart and mind ache continuously when you lose a child…a reminder that a part of you is gone.

9. Don’t rush (or be quick to judge) the grieving process. I am convinced it is a lifelong process and adjustment. It is a new way to live. The whole entire family is affected…holidays are traumatic (one person is always missing)…marriages have to re-adjust, and the siblings are lonely and angry as well. The whole dynamics of the family have been turned upside down.

10. Let them feel whatever they are feeling. I have received such healing from friends and family that will just let me say and do and be what I need to be in the moment.

11. Be understanding. Be understanding of their quietness, their anger, their solitude, their hiding. One day, they will come out from hiding and start going out in public again and answering their phone. Until then, do not take it personally. It really has nothing to do with you.

12. Be willing to be a friend not only on the sunny days, but also on the rainy. I shared with someone recently that all our days are rainy right now. We are probably not the most exciting, best people to hang with…but it means a lot to us when some of our friends have chosen to stay beside us…even on our rainy days…when we have very little to offer.

13. Be forgiving of the “angry” things said or done. Anger is such a big issue in grieving. I guess that is why many marriages do not succeed. You really have to extend lots of grace and mercy. I can’t tell you how many times I have had to say…“I really don’t mean anything I just said. Please forgive me.”

14. Remember and talk about their loved one. Someone not too long ago sent BIG Love a check and at the bottom they wrote, “I love Brooke.” I cried and cried. It meant so much to me that someone else, that never met Brooke, loves her and that she still means a lot to them.

15. Don’t act like their child never existed. I like to talk about Brooke, and I like to know that others think about her. She will always be a part of us. We have her pictures all around, and we all like to talk about Brookie stories. The good memories help keep the traumatic thoughts away.

Hope this helps a little,

Jessica

Christmas and Valentine’s Day

Jessica — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 20:48:36 +0000

BIG Love was very successful in bringing Christmas cheer to the hospitals this holiday season. For Texas Children’s Hospital, we were able to cater a chopped beef sandwich lunch, thanks to my brother Gaby, as well as give hand made blankets, board games, DVD movies and restaurant gift cards to all of the 36 rooms on the cancer floor. For Arkansas Children’s Hospital, we were blessed by Mimi’s Café who gladly donated a large Christmas meal for the entire third floor. They provided turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy and desserts. They not only cooked all day on Christmas when the restaurant was closed, but they delivered all the food and helped us make plates and deliver meals to each room. Their generosity greatly blessed our hearts. We were also able to deliver gifts to each cancer kid. It was so much fun to watch the kids open their presents. I know we made the holiday a little brighter.

Because Valentine’s Day is a LOVE Holiday, we like to make this a BIG celebration at the hospitals. Besides providing Gift Baskets to each child, we are also going to cater a meal.

Items to collect for Gift Baskets: We will separate and group items together based on age(birth to 20) and gender. Do not wrap items or put in a basket. Please drop-off all items by Friday, February 8^th in order to give us time to organize everything. Drop-off sites are listed on our website. Valentine Gift Sets, Heart Chocolate Boxes, Valentine New Stuffed Animals (no beanie babies), Valentine mugs, cups, pencils, erasers, etc., Valentine Candy, Hats, Bandanas, Blankets, Soft Pillow Cases and Towels, Snacks, Drinks, Socks, House Shoes, Books, Magazines, Puzzles, Crossword Puzzles, Coloring Books and Crayons, Movies, Games, Art and Craft Kits, Bath and Lotion Sets, and McDonald’s, Subway, Sonic or Chick Fil A Gift Cards.

Sponsor a Cancer Kid for Valentine’s Day: To be more specific and personal with our gift baskets this year, you can sponsor a particular cancer kid and collect gifts “perfect” for them. However, you will not know the age and gender of your child until approximately a week before Valentine’s Day (It is hard to know way in advance who will be inpatient on a particular day). If you would like to do this please let me know. I will call you (or e-mail you) a week before and let you know the age and gender of your child. We are setting a price of about $70-$100 for each basket. Many of our baskets last year were made by several families or friends who did their basket together. Please deliver your “ready-to-go” baskets on February 12^th to the drop-off sites listed on our webpage or to TCH or ACH. We need 15 sponsors in AR and 36 in TX. All the extra items that we collect above can then be given to the kids at the clinic.

Thank you for helping to make this holiday EXTRA Special!

Chaney and Jessica Phillips